Believe in yourself-you are unique!
When you are dependent on your partner, people around you, or your career for self-confidence, you can easily fall victim to the metaphorical worm that can nibble away at your centre – self-doubt. When you sign up to sessions with me, I will help you develop the complete opposite = confidence.
Self-doubt is a curveball, a parasite and an interloper (take your pick) that throws worry, fear, negative thoughts at you and can overwhelm you as you go along your path in life. It can make all of us feel, unsure, uncertain, hesitant, and lack the belief that you can do it (no matter what your goal or target is). Inaction and procrastination can become a temporary or permanent refuge. As a therapist, I come across clients who feel stuck in their lives in many ways and for many valid reasons-yet a common theme is that taking action and responsibility for ourselves is key.
The antidote, cure and treatment for self-doubt is self-confidence, which grows deep in your centre, still and calm. It needs nourishment and your careful attention to thrive. It has its root in the Latin word confidentia meaning ‘firmly trusting’. Just think and ponder for a moment of what the top sportspeople, actors and performers do to increase their self-confidence and banish self-doubt – they act as if they are confident, they pretend to be calm and cool – it is common and it works because if you tell your mind that this is the truth your body and actions will follow.
When you trust firmly in yourself, you can depend on a solid self-help base. This firm self-reliance is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Of course, your friendly local hypnotherapist (me) will help you activate the tools you need to do this and some of these include positive visualizations, using timelines and ego boosting. When you are feeling challenged in your life, growing self-confidence is what will make the difference and allow you to bounce back sooner from life’s difficulties.
People come and go, careers stop and start, possessions can be lost, your fortune can take good turns and bad turns. The only constant in your life from cradle to grave is… yourself. So, developing your own tools to nurture self-confidence and recognize and ward off self-doubt is an essential life skill, that can be helped by hypnotherapy.
How can trust myself?
The key is to have a positive influence on your thoughts that are keeping self-doubt in place. In other words, take control. Interestingly, it’s when you create time and quiet contemplative space to step back from your thoughts and feelings that you can influence them the most. To let this, happen, I educate my clients on the powerful beneficial aspects of meditation, which is a discipline to calm the mind and counter intrusive thoughts and to still the monkey mind.
You can become aware, observe, and then, with this knowledge, change unhelpful thoughts and create new fulfilling, vibrant and positive ones that radiate the life force you deserve. The following are strategies can help you nurture self-confidence.
Pay attention to what you say AND use positive self-talk.
The most surprising thing that I have come across since becoming a hypnotherapist is how hard people are on themselves – whether this is a product of past experience or from the negative influence of other’s harsh judgements, both can be destructive. Think of how hard it is for a lot of us to accept a complement! It is known that your mind believes whatever thoughts and words you give it. Are your words/thoughts beneficial, true, useful, or downright negative?
When you say words like “I’m useless”, “I’m rubbish”, “I’ll never be able to be as good as you”, “I’m not good enough”, these false beliefs are, in effect, making your own reality in the pathways in your mind -reinforcing that belief. NLP calls some of these pattern: deletions (i.e., “She’s better than me!”/She annoyed me”), generalizations, (“I can never get this right”/ “We always do it this way”) and distortions ( “Looking like that, he must be popular”/ “ You’re going to love this”).
So, change your words, even if at first you don’t believe them! Slowly but firmly take control of the language and words you use and don’t allow them to sabotage you! Remember that Words come from your thoughts, so make them kind and caring towards yourself. Consider the difference between: “I’m rubbish” and “What I did was rubbish, I can certainly learn from this and do better next time.” With the first, you are attacking yourself, with the second you are observing the facts of your behaviour.
Be your own best friend.
Recognize and celebrate your successes, no matter how big or small it is- if you haven’t smoked today, that’s great. If you have started/ continued with a new hobby / activity today, that’s brilliant. Woke up and told yourself “Today, I will have a great day and will think the best of people”-that’s amazing. You have got on the bus or taken the first step towards that nirvana, heaven or whatever you what to call it-HAPPINESS!
All too often, we downplay your achievements. Do not do it. Comments and internal dialogue, from ourselves or others, like “Oh that, anyone could have done it” or “Oh it’s nothing really” can dampen and diminish. Compare this to when you celebrate and recognize other people’s successes. There is a double standard going on here and one that discredits you. Rejoice in your moment and allow yourself this pause and celebrate as if you were your own best friend. The truth is that YOU are in control of your behavior, thoughts and actions and you have the power and control to change if that is what you want. We all need and deserve help along the way, and it starts with loving yourself and believing in yourself.